Saturday, May 8, 2010

Tonight

So tonight I sit here alone in my house. I sit here watching movies and eating things I shouldn't that I will regret in the very near future, and doing the laundry. I am alone because Chris is out of town and the kids are at his mom's for the weekend. I am doing laundry because I take care of six people. I have been wondering lately who I am. Do you ever wonder who you are? Am I really the only one?

Well I don't think I have figured it out yet, not really. However, I think I am getting closer everyday. Almost my entire life has been spent pleasing other people. This is ultimately no one's fault, but it just is. I have realized lately that this alone does not make me happy. Because I never find the time to please myself. I don't know who I am because I don't know what I really want. And I feel like I owe it to the people around me to be happy.

Do I really want to please other people over myself? What defines me? Who am I? Where have I gone?

All these questions swirl around my head and start to define me. I find that I am unhappy because I am asking so many questions of myself all the time. Could it be that I am the person that takes care of people? Is that who I am? Is that okay?

What I think I realize tonight is that I am the person that takes care of everyone else. But here is the kicker, who takes care of me? How do I do both? How do I enjoy taking care of others, and still find time to take care of myself?

4 comments:

CWMartin said...

When you're the one who takes care of others, sometimes its hard to see when they're taking care of you. Or, perhaps God is the one who takes care of you, and you've just been too busy too feel Him hugging you. When everyone comes home, I imagine you'll regain perspective. I wish the best for you.

Rokubella said...

Maybe the thing you want is seeing other people happy... And the one who will take care of you? I agree with Mr. CWMartin... It's God... Keep it up!:D

Ms. Givens said...

Balance.

Cullum Family said...

you guys are awesome! i think you are all right! thanks so much for the comments!