Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Happiness is a puppy...right?

Well we needed some happiness around here so we decided to get a puppy. I know that some of you are probably thinking...HMMM does she have a brain, but really I do. Our new puppy has brought a lot of joy to our lives and some frustration as all new animals do. I am trying to housebreak him, but the kiddos LOVE playing with him, and he is SO sweet and smart! Here are some pictures for you to enjoy. :)

This is Peanut the dog we already have he has adjusted very well to the new puppy. And the puppy loves Peanut. He follows Peanut around like...well...like a puppy.

Emily took this one of me and Gunner (the puppy).

Emily LOVES the puppy. If Gunner survives her he will be able to survive anything.

The girl and her pup.

Emily, what are you doing with Gunner?
Dancing, mommy. (in the Duh voice she has)

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


So I feel like I should update you all with what is going on here in my part of the world. I am feeling better about losing my job. Every day it gets a little easier and I am not so depressed anymore. I got a call last night from a place that I applied to for online tutoring and I got offered the position which is so good because it can be done at home in the evenings. I also submitted a writing sample to do some online writing. So things are looking up in my world.

But mostly I have to remember all the blessings I have in my life. They are so numerous that I can't count them, but I am SO thankful for them. Every day it is getting better and I hope it continues that way. Thanks for hanging in there with me during this little rough patch! :)

Friday, March 19, 2010

Door closed...waiting for the window

I hate to harp on what's going on these days, BUT....

I am still dealing with the loss of my job. The depression of the whole situation just hit me this week. I thought I was okay but apparently I really am not. Every day it is a struggle just to get out of bed and take my meds that keep me going. I have really never lost a job before, and especially one that I loved and thought I was doing a good job at.

I know that the feelings I am having are not true intellectually, but the depression starts to make me believe they are who I am. I am not worthless, I know that, but I am having a hard time really convincing myself.

Everyone loses a job at least once in their life right? This is just my time, right?

Where is my window? I need to find my window. I think it is in the fact that I get to finally be a stay at home mom, but this scares the crap out of me as well.

So now I am waiting for the window, but maybe I should be looking?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

AND...seven weeks later...

Caleb is getting out of the hospital tomorrow! YEAH! His going home party is at 11:30am at the hospital. After so much drama and lots of hard work he is finally going home. He looks great and we are so proud of him!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Focusing on the future...

This afternoon I find myself focusing on the future. For once I am not lingering in the past. I am actually indulging in the present.

Monday was pretty uneventful really. I went to work then up to see Jeannie and Caleb. Tuesday, oh yeah, that was JUST yesterday I thought started like any other day. I went to work excited to do some more work with my kiddos on rocks. They have loved the unit and I was excited. Well, we had a guest in our room so we didn't really get to do much with rocks. I was kind of bummed. Then at the end of the day I was called into the director's office and asked to resign. Yes, it's true. And it is because I was sick.

It all goes back to the two weeks before Christmas this year. I had a stomach virus and I was pretty sure that I had had a miscarriage. I went to see the doctor and she was concerned and did some tests and they showed a reason to test me for cervical cancer. I never posted about this because it was all just too fresh and I really didn't want too many people to know. ANYWAY...I called work and told them what was going on and they TOLD me to take time off. Every day I talked to them and told them I wanted to come to work. I needed to get out of the house. I was just sitting around waiting for the test results to come back. It was a very emotionally exhausting time for me. I really needed something to occupy my time and mind and work would have been the perfect thing. BUT...I was not allowed to be there.

I was home for two weeks and the test came back negative, and I got a second opinion and found out it was just a very bad infection.

So now I am unemployed because of something they told me to do. Parents became unhappy because I was not there, which is understandable, but I wanted to be there. Yesterday I lost my job.

Today I went in to tell the kids goodbye. I totally lost it. I love each and every one of them so much. They all wanted to tell me about their lives since the last time we were together and I wanted to hear it. I stayed for about 20 minutes and then left. I am very sad about how everything has happened, but there is nothing I can do to change it. I don't think it is the best thing for the kids, but again it is not something I can change.

So now I am focusing on the future. What does the future hold for me and my family? How will this change things for us, and how will they change for the better? I am not lingering in the past. I did nothing wrong. I taught the kids and did the very best job possible. I loved them and their families with all my heart. I have decided that for ONCE I AM NOT GOING TO BEAT MYSELF UP! I am not going to waste my energy focusing on what if's and should haves. I am not angry about what happened, I am just sad that it happened. AND right now I am indulging in thoughts of how good the present really is.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Sunday night

I am writing because I need to post. I really have nothing too important to say but I promised myself I would post more often so here goes.

I can't believe it is already Sunday night here in our house. The kids are in bed and the man is out for some guy time and I am home alone. I love having time by myself. I miss him when he is gone but being with me is good as well.

I spent today taking care of things around the house that I have put off. I might actually get the laundry done tonight and the bathrooms are clean. This is a feat for me lately I have just had too much going on and no real motivation to get anything done.

I feel like a fog has been lifted and I am finally ready to take care of a few things that have been nagging at me. I am hopeful this week will be productive. I will keep you all posted! :)