When I started working part-time I imagined myself with all this time in the afternoons and being able to keep up with everything. WELL...here I am six months into the part-time thing and I feel like I never get anything accomplished. I feel like I am running in circles most of the time. I haven't really figured out how to manage my time efficiently enough to get the things I want to done.
Then there is the depression...I realized the other day that I was very depressed. Where did that come from? Why hadn't I realized before that I wasn't doing well? Why can't I just be normal and keep it together?
So here is what I have decided for today...are you ready?
Today I am going to do one thing...just one thing not a lot of things. I am not going to go crazy. I decided I would leave school when the kids were gone and go grocery shopping. After grocery shopping I went to put the food away and decided that maybe I needed to one more thing...clean out the fridge...then the pantry...
So now I have done three things and I want to do more in a crazed manic cleaning spree...BUT...One thing right...one thing for today...
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Just when I think...
Just when I think that I can't see God anywhere in my life, He shows up and lets me know he is still there and cares about me.
I have been feeling so far away from God lately. I know that this is not His fault, but my own. I know if He is far away I have moved, not Him. Sometimes knowing this does not help you feel any closer though. Has anyone else ever been there?
Tuesday morning I was lying in bed trying to make myself get out of bed. It was hard because I was snuggled up all warm and cozy next to my husband who was snoring away. I didn't want to get out of bed at 5am I just wanted to lay there and drift in and out of consciousness.
All of the sudden a head peaked over the side of the bed at me and said...
"Mommy, can I get in bed with you?"
Well the rule is after 5am they can get in bed with us, so looking at the clock and knowing it was nearing 5:30 I told him yes he could get in bed with me.
Ben snuggled up next to me and I continued to drift with him there beside me. All of a sudden he grabbed my face and said the following:
"Mommy, you remember when you prayed for me to have better behavior yesterday?"
"Yes."
"Well, I know why it didn't work."
"Really, why?"
"Because I am in control of me not God."
My heart completely melted.
"Yes, son that is true. But God is there to help you, lift you up, and encourage you to do the right thing if you listen with your heart."
"Oh, I didn't know that. I thought He was going to keep me quiet."
I laughed to myself at that mental picture. Because anyone who knows my son knows that God would actually have to gag him to keep him quiet.
But after my laugh I got up out of bed and went to do my devotional. I felt God's presence right there for the first time in months. He really was there. He was helping me, lifting me, and encouraging me to do the right thing. And maybe just maybe letting me know that the hard work I was doing with my children was making a difference.
I have been feeling so far away from God lately. I know that this is not His fault, but my own. I know if He is far away I have moved, not Him. Sometimes knowing this does not help you feel any closer though. Has anyone else ever been there?
Tuesday morning I was lying in bed trying to make myself get out of bed. It was hard because I was snuggled up all warm and cozy next to my husband who was snoring away. I didn't want to get out of bed at 5am I just wanted to lay there and drift in and out of consciousness.
All of the sudden a head peaked over the side of the bed at me and said...
"Mommy, can I get in bed with you?"
Well the rule is after 5am they can get in bed with us, so looking at the clock and knowing it was nearing 5:30 I told him yes he could get in bed with me.
Ben snuggled up next to me and I continued to drift with him there beside me. All of a sudden he grabbed my face and said the following:
"Mommy, you remember when you prayed for me to have better behavior yesterday?"
"Yes."
"Well, I know why it didn't work."
"Really, why?"
"Because I am in control of me not God."
My heart completely melted.
"Yes, son that is true. But God is there to help you, lift you up, and encourage you to do the right thing if you listen with your heart."
"Oh, I didn't know that. I thought He was going to keep me quiet."
I laughed to myself at that mental picture. Because anyone who knows my son knows that God would actually have to gag him to keep him quiet.
But after my laugh I got up out of bed and went to do my devotional. I felt God's presence right there for the first time in months. He really was there. He was helping me, lifting me, and encouraging me to do the right thing. And maybe just maybe letting me know that the hard work I was doing with my children was making a difference.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Christmas Eve
We go to Grandma Cullum's on Christmas Eve. The kids were in heaven when they saw all the presents under the tree. We could barely keep them contained until after dinner. Here are some of the pictures from that night.
The tree before.
My beautiful Emily.
This kid never takes a straight picture anymore. This is the best shot I got of him out of like ten.
Sibling bliss?
Emily got her first Barbie this Christmas. We went from zero to eight in less than 24 hours. And I will tell you that they were all naked in less than two hours after she got them.
Barbie clothes? Seriously? Who needs those? And a Transformer for Ben.
Back at our house getting ready to open the traditional pajamas.
Princess pj's for her and Bakugan pj's for him.
Tired Mommy...what is missing is all the pictures of naked butts that were taken in between opening the pj's and getting them on. This is me just waiting for the kids to settle down and get dressed.
Winter wonderland. It was snowing like crazy while we put out the reindeer food, I am not sure any of it landed on the lawn for the reindeer.
Cookies, cocoa and a sweet note. Who could ask for anything more?
Santa please come see us soon! :)
The tree before.
My beautiful Emily.
This kid never takes a straight picture anymore. This is the best shot I got of him out of like ten.
Sibling bliss?
Emily got her first Barbie this Christmas. We went from zero to eight in less than 24 hours. And I will tell you that they were all naked in less than two hours after she got them.
Barbie clothes? Seriously? Who needs those? And a Transformer for Ben.
Back at our house getting ready to open the traditional pajamas.
Princess pj's for her and Bakugan pj's for him.
Tired Mommy...what is missing is all the pictures of naked butts that were taken in between opening the pj's and getting them on. This is me just waiting for the kids to settle down and get dressed.
Winter wonderland. It was snowing like crazy while we put out the reindeer food, I am not sure any of it landed on the lawn for the reindeer.
Cookies, cocoa and a sweet note. Who could ask for anything more?
Santa please come see us soon! :)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Beauty
Today I am in awe of the beauty around me. Emily and I left school early today to meet the garage door repairman and got home about noon. I was lost in thought about all the things I needed to accomplish this afternoon.
All of the sudden I looked up and saw all the leaves that had fallen on the street. They were yellow, orange, and brown. The branches of the trees were heavy, laden with the leaves still yet to fall. It was so beautiful I almost stopped my car. I wanted to take a mental picture so I could remember it.
I said to Emily, "Look at all the leaves on the ground!"
She said, "I see them mommy. Aren't they so beautiful?"
"Yes, yes they are."
I often wish I could paint or draw. I so wanted to sit outside this afternoon and paint the leaves and the trees. Their fall colors are beautiful. Our weather here has been beautiful for about two weeks. Such wonderful fall colors shining in the sunlight.
What a wonderful creation we live in. I just want to stop and thank God for all the beauty He has given us. Enjoy your day wherever you are and whatever you are doing. Know that God has created this wonderful world just for us to enjoy.
All of the sudden I looked up and saw all the leaves that had fallen on the street. They were yellow, orange, and brown. The branches of the trees were heavy, laden with the leaves still yet to fall. It was so beautiful I almost stopped my car. I wanted to take a mental picture so I could remember it.
I said to Emily, "Look at all the leaves on the ground!"
She said, "I see them mommy. Aren't they so beautiful?"
"Yes, yes they are."
I often wish I could paint or draw. I so wanted to sit outside this afternoon and paint the leaves and the trees. Their fall colors are beautiful. Our weather here has been beautiful for about two weeks. Such wonderful fall colors shining in the sunlight.
What a wonderful creation we live in. I just want to stop and thank God for all the beauty He has given us. Enjoy your day wherever you are and whatever you are doing. Know that God has created this wonderful world just for us to enjoy.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Halloween 2009
As is our tradition now...The Beck's and the Thielman's came over for trick-or-treating last night for Halloween. We did not get a picture of Mark David with all the other kids before going out. I am very sad about that. But we got one with him decorating cupcakes after we came back. This is our fourth Halloween to go out with Mark David and second with Lilly and the boys. All the kids got tons of candy. I burnt the pizza, but we all had fun and I don't think anyone really noticed but me. :)
Before trick or treating
Better before picture
Doctor, doctor, doctor....and a princess
Griffin showing us his light stick
The girls discussing the merits of pick light sticks.
Griffin and Elijah...oh my goodness they are big!
BFF's
Everyone leaving with their booty.
Decorating cupcakes
Emily and Lilly decorating cupcakes
More cupcake pictures
Boys eating their icing and cupcakes
Loving the icing!
Yummy!
BFF's
Look I got, Lissa!
Griffin loved his lollipops, he would not let them go! :)
Elijah spent most of his time running and screaming! So cute!
Before trick or treating
Better before picture
Doctor, doctor, doctor....and a princess
Griffin showing us his light stick
The girls discussing the merits of pick light sticks.
Griffin and Elijah...oh my goodness they are big!
BFF's
Everyone leaving with their booty.
Decorating cupcakes
Emily and Lilly decorating cupcakes
More cupcake pictures
Boys eating their icing and cupcakes
Loving the icing!
Yummy!
BFF's
Look I got, Lissa!
Griffin loved his lollipops, he would not let them go! :)
Elijah spent most of his time running and screaming! So cute!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
The Pond
Sunday we decided to walk to the pond. The kids had a lot of fun, and Ben ended up falling in the pond. The pictures are in reverse order...but you will get the idea just start from the bottom of the post! :)
Ben and Jeannie...quite possibly his first real crush. :)
The boys looked for frogs the whole time. They were the cutest little frogs ever!
Ben and Brighton looking for frogs.
Ben, Brighton, and Braden looking for frogs.
Emily walking around trying to get dirty.
Ben, Brighton, and Braden looking for frogs on the rocks that I am sure Ben is going to fall off of. He finally did fall after he had been alone on the rocks for about five minutes. He was a good sport though and just kept playing.
Ben going to catch up with the boys after Darren scared him under the bridge.
Kids and Peanut going to play by the water.
Boys running with the dogs to the rocks where they found lots of little frogs!
Ben and Jeannie...quite possibly his first real crush. :)
The boys looked for frogs the whole time. They were the cutest little frogs ever!
Ben and Brighton looking for frogs.
Ben, Brighton, and Braden looking for frogs.
Emily walking around trying to get dirty.
Ben, Brighton, and Braden looking for frogs on the rocks that I am sure Ben is going to fall off of. He finally did fall after he had been alone on the rocks for about five minutes. He was a good sport though and just kept playing.
Ben going to catch up with the boys after Darren scared him under the bridge.
Kids and Peanut going to play by the water.
Boys running with the dogs to the rocks where they found lots of little frogs!
Pumpkin carving
We visited our friends Jeannie and Darren. We decided to carve some pumpkins on Sunday before we left. Here are the pictures. Enjoy! :)
Darren cutting open the kid's pumpkin
Ben and Emily helping Darren clean out the pumpkin.
More pumpkin cleaning with Darren watching.
More cleaning, now with Jeannie helping.
Kids have now given up and are letting Jeannie clean out the pumpkin. Oh and Ms. F was paying us a visit over the weekend too.
Now Brighton has come over to help clean out the pumpkin. This really only lasted a minute or so before they were all bored with the pumpkin cleaning and they just decided that it was clean enough. :)
Emily drawing the face she wants carved onto the pumpkin. It is an interesting interpretation of a traditional Jack-O-Lantern.
Here is Ben's side of the pumpkin. We did not get a good picture of the side I carved for Emily but it was interesting! :)
Darren cutting open the kid's pumpkin
Ben and Emily helping Darren clean out the pumpkin.
More pumpkin cleaning with Darren watching.
More cleaning, now with Jeannie helping.
Kids have now given up and are letting Jeannie clean out the pumpkin. Oh and Ms. F was paying us a visit over the weekend too.
Now Brighton has come over to help clean out the pumpkin. This really only lasted a minute or so before they were all bored with the pumpkin cleaning and they just decided that it was clean enough. :)
Emily drawing the face she wants carved onto the pumpkin. It is an interesting interpretation of a traditional Jack-O-Lantern.
Here is Ben's side of the pumpkin. We did not get a good picture of the side I carved for Emily but it was interesting! :)
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