Anyway...if you are reading this scroll down to the very next post and enter to win the giveaway...
So here goes today's installment...sit down and you might want to grab some tissues...or maybe that is just me. :)
So we give Emily the reflux medicine for about a month with really no improvement. I know something is really wrong, but I feel like I keep hitting a brick wall, and some days I want to really hit that brick wall with my car. Every time we get in the car to go anywhere she screams the WHOLE time so mornings on the way to work are so much fun for me, and afternoons on the way home. Poor Ben is being neglected by me most of the time, but not daddy. For this I am becoming very resentful. I really want to spend time with Ben and hold him and kiss him. The only time I really get to spend time with him is at bedtime. I give him a bath and read to him. I miss his sweet kisses and his loving nature. He by the way seems no worse for the wear. He is a very resilient kid. I imagine by divine design. The Lord knows the plan, and you don't. This is further proof of this. He gave us Ben first for a reason, but I will expand on that later.
Do you remember those papers I put away when I came home from the hospital, well I go searching for them. I have to search for days because as you can probably imagine housework was the absolute last thing on my mind. During the search Emily gets some weird infection. She is sick. You can tell she is sick, but there is no fever, and no outward signs of illness. The first thing that goes through my mind is damn it, not again! Sorry, but I am being real here, right?
So I leave work early and take her to the doctor. The doctor and I were already friends, but now we are becoming almost like bff's. I see her every week. We are planning social events together and she is offering to take Ben with her son to do different activities. I must have looked really pathetic, or seemed like someone really cool. But, I am thinking I know which one it was. ;)
The doctor decides to take blood. So we go to the lab and they draw blood. I am so used to nothing really being wrong that I am ready to leave and get the boy wonder something to eat and wait on the call from the doctor to tell me it is nothing and stop dreaming up reasons to come in and see her.
I stroll the kiddos back over to the office and tell the office staff that I am going to leave and the nurse comes out and says...She REALLY wants to talk to you...can you stay?
I tell her politely that I have to get Ben some food and nurse Emily, because by this time every one is cranky. Even the boy who never gets cranky is starting to lose it. The nurse tells me that she will call me in 30 minutes. So I leave with the kids a little worried, but not too concerned really. I have done this so many times before and the phone calls are always...Melissa, nothing is wrong she is fine, do you need to go out for a drink. I am not kidding. Really I am not. She was so worried about me, and so was everyone else who came into contact with me even if they didn't say it.
The pediatrician called in less than 30 minutes and said I have some bad news and I really need you to come into the office tomorrow so we can discuss it. *Insert Panic here* Now I will tell you this is NOT what you want to hear from the doctor. I inquired as to Emily's prognosis and she told me that here white blood count and red blood count were off, and a serious cause for concern. Especially since she was not exhibiting any outward signs of infection. She said we could discuss more in the office the next morning but there were more tests she wanted to run. So I place a very tearful call to my boss and tell her once again I would not be into work the next day, and maybe not the rest of the week.
Oh did I mention that the Christmas tea was the following weekend? This happened the week before the tea. Yep that's right the week before.
This is where I will end for today. Please know that I do not want any one's pity. I feel the need to share my story. And I will tell you all the wonderful things that have come from this story before it is over. Because even though there are terrible things to come, there are also wonderful healing things that I never would have experienced if I had not walked through this trial. And I will also tell you that God is Good....He is Good.